By Georgina El Morshdy
Sex is one of the most enjoyable things you can experience with another person. But did you know many people feel more vulnerable talking about sex than they do having sex!
It’s a problem…
When talking feels uncomfortable or awkward, you can’t fully express yourself. You can’t ask for your needs to be met or explain how you really feel. As a result, things may not be as satisfying in the bedroom as they could be!
The good news is you can increase your ability to talk about sex confidently. You can break down the taboos that keep us from talking with practice, courage, and curiosity. Talking about sex should be fun — and honest. You should feel good about getting (emotionally) naked about getting naked.
In turn, you create the possibility for more connected sex.
Here are some ideas for how…
1. Decide to be more open
Like most things, becoming more confident talking about sex starts with a decision to walk that path. First things first, decide this is what you want!
Then give yourself permission for things to feel messy. After all, it’s not easy talking about uncomfortable topics - especially taboo ones. We can worry we’ll say the wrong thing, be misinterpreted, or embarrass ourselves. (It’s why we stay silent in the first place!)
But if you’re willing to be vulnerable and you decide to let yourself off the hook for not being perfect, you can create an experimental space that can be fun, expansive, and playful.
Remember, the courage to talk about sex is a journey.
It’s OK to go slow. It’s OK to let your comfort zone expand little by little. And remember… the second you have some momentum behind you, who knows what could unfold not only in the bedroom, but in other areas of your life too.
2. Get clear for yourself
Sex can take many and varied forms. The choice to talk more openly about your sexual needs and desires can also expand the menu of things you’re willing to try. In the process, you discover more of what you do like (as well as things you don’t!)
Talking with your partner is a great way to expand your knowing, but you don’t have to wait for them. Start the journey yourself by asking yourself what you want.
Your journal is a great tool for this. Inside the privacy of your journal, you can practice how it feels to express a desire, an ask, a turn-off… even a fantasy. Journaling can help us expand our sexual comfort zone. It can also show you the areas that may need more attention and inquiry.
For example, you may feel excited about one idea or thought that shows up. You may feel guilt or shame about others. Inside your journal, you can move through it all and build that all-important self-clarity.
And if you feel uncomfortable about exposing too much, remember, you can always burn your journaling (in a safe way of course!)
3. Talk in and out of the bedroom
Talking about sex doesn’t need to be reserved for the bedroom alone. In fact, if sexual conversations aren’t a current part of your relationship, the pressure to open up may feel too much while you’re naked!
Instead, find ways to weave conversations about sex into other environments.
Over coffee, in the lounge, date night, dinner time (depending on who you’ve got for company!)
The more you invite these conversations into your everyday life and your relationship, the more connected you’ll feel. If you have unexpressed desires, chances are your partner will have too. You never know… There may be some desires that you share, but you won’t know that until you start to talk about them!
What’s more, because the brain is one of the most important turn-on areas, a spicy conversation can be an incredible way to build anticipation. Activate your brain & conversion to tap into your imagination. Talk about possibilities. Describe what you see. Explore, experiment, and most of all have fun in a safe, consensual way.
4. Be gentle with yourself & your partner
Society tells us that sex is a taboo subject. We’ve all got stories of conversations that went wrong or interactions that weren’t the best. We’ve likely been shamed or guilted in some way too. As a result, conversations about sex can surface all kinds of uncomfortable and difficult feelings.
If and when this happens, it’s even more important to be gentle with yourself and your partner.
It’s important to avoid blaming, naming, and shaming. Instead, find a way to explore your emotions together. Support each other through the emotional journal that can be sparked by conversations about sex.
Your connection will have never felt deeper.
5. Explore prompts.
If sex isn’t a common topic of conversation for you, you may hit a blank when it comes to topics to explore. You may know you want to talk more openly, but are stuck on ideas of where to start or what conversations could be beneficial.
If this describes you, question prompts are your new best friend!
Fact is, we don’t know what we don’t know. Unless we expand our periphery and perspective, we can get stuck in the same old conversations. Prompts blow open that comfort zone.
Prompts reduce embarrassment too. After all, it’s not you asking the question. The prompt card is! As a result, you can open up topics that may have felt off-limits in a safe, consensual, comfortable way.
It’s getting hot in here!
If you’re ready to spice things up, turn up the pleasure, and enjoy more bow chikka wow wow in your relationship, check out the NEW Intimacy After Dark Deck.
The deck includes two sets of cards - 75 Conversation Prompts (for talking about sex) and 75 Action Cards (with fun ideas to play and experiment with).
This deck is the perfect way to:
• Massively expand how you talk about sex with your partners.
• Express your sexual desires with our easy-to-follow framework.
• Explore flirty date night ideas for more connected sex.
• Infuse more play, experimentation, and curiosity into your relationship.
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