Sex is one of the most enjoyable things you can experience with another person. But did you know many people feel more vulnerable talking about sex than they do having sex!

Do you sometimes feel a mile wide gap between you and your partner?  It’s not uncommon because there are so many reasons why you can feel a distance growing! For example, you’re on different growth paths, you’re too tired after work to connect on a deeper level, or you’re so comfortable that you’ve unknowingly made assumptions about each other. Regardless of the reason, the feeling is the same. It’s confusing too. The gap doesn’t mean that you don’t love each other. In fact, you might be more in love than ever!  After all, you’re there for each other. You support each other and have conversations together. You’re intimate with each other… So why do you feel alone?  The answer is because you crave something deeper.  Many of us do because humans are hardwired for connection.  It’s in our DNA.  We crave the feeling of belonging.  As individuals, we want to be seen and heard. We desire to feel loved. We want to know that we matter to another person.  And our intimate relationships is one of the places where we seek these things the most.  For many of us, it’s simply not enough to connect on a surface level. Superficiality doesn’t satiate us. It doesn’t quench the thirst within for more.  More vulnerability.  More rawness.  More authenticity.  More unapologetic expression. More trust.  It’s why we can feel lonely - because a lack of depth simply scratches at the surface of our being. We’re not satisfied talking about everyday tasks, weekend commitments, and vacation plans.  We want to get under the skin.  We want to peel away the layers of the onion.  We want our partners to take off the mask and show us who they really are - and we want to feel safe enough to do the same.  But how can we create this experience?   Break bad habits Take a step back so you can get clear on any bad habits that might be a barrier to the depth you desire.  Some common barriers to look our for are as follows:  1. Too much screen time.  Do you automatically default to your phone during the moments in-between? Are you constantly distracted by notifications and an urge to ‘just take a look’? When we’re too tightly drawn to our tech, we disconnect from the physical things in front of us.  Time to create some screen-free time in your relationship. Agree together times when you’ll put your phone away so it’s just the two of you.  2. Too tired to make an effort. This one stings a bit, but it’s common! When you’re tired after a busy day or exhausted from taking care of the kids, household chores, etc. etc, all you want to do is put your feet up and switch off!  While it’s not your intention, this habit creates a disconnect - because you’re not speaking together.  The less you talk, the more disconnected you feel.  This habit can be a tough nut to crack, but there are numerous steps you can try. For example: • Plan weekly or monthly dates nights (the Date Night Challenge is packed with ideas). • Review your evening routine and look for opportunities to claw back time and energy. For example, can you get the kids in bed a bit earlier? Are there ways you can reduce the pressure to do chores?  • Turn off the TV. Don’t nurture the habit of Netflix and chill in the evenings. Choose something you can do together like taking a bath, playing a game, or cooking a meal that you love.  3. Stop assuming!  Most of us aren’t mind readers. What’s more, our partners do change - as do we. It’s inevitable because every experience we have shapes and influences us in some way.  What you like today, you might hate tomorrow!  Individual growth can create challenges in long-term relationships if you make assumptions about each other.  This is why we have to tell our partners what we need and what we want.  • Be honest about why you’re upset.  • Understand what needs to happen for you to feel love (discovering your Love Languages will help).  • When you feel triggered, tell your partner what’s happening.  • Ask for your needs to be met.  These types of conversations can be uncomfortable because they are so honest.  But they can also close the gap on loneliness. You’ll feel more connected. You’ll feel closer because you’ll know each other better.  Creating a habit of talking about the real stuff also protects your relationship. If you each feel safe to express what’s real for you, there’s an opportunity to work through it when it shows up - rather than allowing it to fester.  4. Move beyond small talk.  When most of your conversations barely scratch the surface, it’s hard to feel connected. After all, these are the types of discussions you’d have with a stranger!  We crave soul-deep intimacy with our partners and that means exploring topics of conversation that are stretching, revealing, and expansive.  As strange as it sounds, many of us struggle to know how to start a different type of conversation. Humans are creatures of habit. We like to stick with what we know because that’s predictable and therefore safe.  The conversation prompts in tools such as the Intimacy Deck and Date Deck offer brilliant openings for deeper conversations that go somewhere.  Who knows what you’ll discover about your partner and yourself as you explore them.  Don’t forget… Relationships take work. Yes, this reality doesn’t feel romantic or sexy. After all, that’s not the narrative we’re fed by movies and fairytales. Instead, we’re told that when you find ‘the one’ everything becomes perfect and effortless!  But that’s not reality!  So know it’s ‘OK’ to work on your relationship.  Investing in relationship work doesn’t mean your relationship is failing. In fact, the opposite is true. In the same way that you work on your fitness, your job, or your personal development, we can work on our relationship - making it better and better over time.  And as you ‘work’ to feel closer, that mile deep gap will begin to close, Until you feel more connected than ever.  Empowering you to transform the loneliness you feel in your relationship. 

“Behind every great relationship are difficult and uncomfortable questions we rarely get to see. Great relationships don’t just fall into our laps. They require people to move through their fears and insecurities and do the hard work to move wounds into healing.” - Vienna Pharaon.  What kind of questions do you choose to explore? Do you prefer simple conversations about sports, weekend plans, or the latest Netflix trend?  Or do you desire something deeper? For example, do you want to talk about the depth of who your partner is? Do you want your partner to know you at a level you’ve not expressed to anyone before? Do you get energized by conversations that explore topics such as core values, beliefs, childhood experiences, life-changing memories, hopes, dreams, fears etc?  If you prefer the latter, you’ll love the possibility of deep conversations. Let me show you why… What is a deep conversation?  A deep conversation goes beyond the simplicity and niceties of small talk.  It’s a conversation that peels away the layers to explore who you are, how you feel, think, and want at more profound and complex levels.  In this way, deep conversations draw vulnerability, authenticity and trust into your relationship. When you choose to go deep, you invite risks, express who you really are, and become radically honest with yourself and your partner.  This experience can feel both liberating and exposing at the same time. Being seen and heard for who you are is an incredible feeling. Deep down, we all crave this level of visibility and acceptance. But that’s not the only benefit. The process of deep talk elevates your relationship, too, because of how much you discover about each other through the way you talk and the things you share. Deep talk creates an opening for you to get to know each other on a profound and intimate level. That feeling alone can strengthen your connection and bring you closer together. On the flip side, deep conversations can spark visibility hangovers. It can feel uncomfortable to share something that was buried or unexplored, even to the one you love. Your partner may reveal things that feel uncomfortable to hear too. For example, if they share something you didn’t know, or expose an assumption, you’d wrongly made about them. Deep conversations can also take you into painful topics or subjects that brings back difficult memories.  But what if this discomfort became a relationship gift - because of the opportunity to grow? What if cultivating the courage and compassion to support each other through depth allowed your love to grow exponentially?  In the words of Mastin Kipp, “The quality of your life is directly related to how many uncomfortable conversations you’re willing to have.”  So if you’re ready to dive in, here are some tips for inviting deeper conversations into your partnership.  1. It’s OK to start with small talk. First up, you don’t have to dive directly into a vulnerable topic of conversation. Instead, you can take some time to break the ice and create a safer space. This might involve turning off your phone (so you’re not distracted by notifications). You might make a drink or explore some small talk.  Take a moment to drop into the present moment and give yourself space to get on the same page as each other. Settle in, and when you’re ready, the conversation will effortlessly go somewhere deeper.  2. Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters.  When we’re stuck in familiarity, it can be hard to know what to talk about to understand our partner better. This is where conversation prompts can be gold.  There’s something about a card being the ‘thing’ that asks the question. It helps you relax into something deeper. For example, when a card asks, there’s no hidden agenda! Your partner won’t be wondering, “why are they asking me that?!”  If you want a bank of cool conversation topics to explore, check out our decks for couples: Intimacy Deck, the Relationship Deck, and the Date Deck.  Pick a card at random or work, choose a specific topic, or work through the deck in sequence. The choice is yours. Bear in mind that the true answer is often three questions deep. This means the more you explore your thoughts and feelings, the more you’ll get to discover. So feel free to ask clarifying questions along the way. The deck is here to spark a beginning. Where you go after that is your choice.  Here’s what some people have said about the Intimacy Deck.  3. Learn to know when you’re activated.  Deeper questions and conversions can sometimes stir up uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. This stirring of emotions can make you react in many ways. For example, sharing something vulnerable can make you feel exposed, activating subconscious fears of not being good enough.  Other times we can struggle to find our words when the subject matter is uncomfortable. You or your partner may not express themselves as clearly as they intended. In turn, this can create friction.  This is where self-awareness is crucial.  When you bring self-awareness into a deeper conversation, you elevate the level of safety you feel. For example, instead of projecting feelings onto each other, you get better at separating what’s yours from your partner’s. Remember, self-awareness is an ongoing journey. The more you look, the more you know.  As a start point, it can help to ask yourself how much truth and vulnerability you can handle and how much authenticity you expect? Your level will likely expand over time. This is because deeper conversations allow you to get more familiar with who you are. You can come to know your edges, what triggers you, what feels comfortable and what doesn’t.  Self-awareness will empower you to respond instead of reacting when a question or an answer triggers you. If unfamiliar or uncomfortable feelings arise, take a pause. A deep breath is a small, but simple way to gather yourself before answering.  We always have a moment of choice between a trigger and a reaction. When you give yourself space before reacting, you’ll be able to respond intentionally. In turn, you’re less likely you’ll say something you regret later!  4. Work on increasing your emotional intelligence. In the words of queen_phire, “healthy relationships include uncomfortable conversations.”  Deep conversations are a great way to elevate your emotional intelligence, i.e. your ability to perceive, manage, and regulate your emotions.  Some things to watch out for: • Can you handle your feelings without lashing out?  • What happens if your partner disagrees with something you have a strong opinion about? • What happens when you’re tired and hear something you don’t like.  As well as answering questions, you and your partner can talk about how you feel as you answer the questions. The more comfortable you become with your own feelings around each other, the stronger your bond becomes.  5. Lean into the love you feel for each other Deep conversations hold an opportunity to deepen our connection in so many profound ways. Even the more difficult discussions can strengthen our bond - because who will you be on the other side once you’ve navigated a difficulty?  There may be moments of discomfort, but this can morph into an opportunity for growth and deeper connection. Hold this affirmation in your heart: When you’re committed to your love and your relationship, you can work through almost anything.  What will you and your partner talk about next? Conversations are incredible ways to open the door to deeper love, connection, and intimacy.  Where will your next conversation take you? It’s an exciting prospect, right?

Let’s be honest! Relationships can evoke heavy thoughts and feelings.  You could say it’s inevitable! When you choose to walk through life with someone, they’re going to see your best bits - and your not so good bits!   What’s more, you’re different people, which means you’ll have different beliefs, perspectives, opinions, and values. No wonder there’s conflict and a difference of opinion at times.  Fortunately, there’s not a lot that open communication can’t solve.  In fact, the more you can cultivate space for vulnerable conversation, the more you can strengthen your bond and deepen your love.  This is because conversation helps you get on the same page and find common ground. In the process, you explore different points of view and air your thoughts so you can each feel seen, heard, and hopefully understood.  So while it’s true that tough conversations are a journey, when held inside a space of love and empathy, you always come out the other side better for having them.  Keep reading to discover five ways to navigate challenging conversations in your relationship.  1. Set your intentions.  Get clear on what you want to talk about before stepping into a challenging conversation. It can help to journal your thoughts in advance so you can do some of your emotional labor before engaging in conversation with your partner.  Make a list. Explore why you feel the way you feel. Consider the outcome that you desire - and why.  Prepared with this information, you can come in with a clearer head, which can help you feel more grounded during the conversation.  Importantly, feel into the outcome that you desire for your relationship. For example, if you want to leave the conversation with love and connection, be ready to make concessions and compromises. Also, be prepared to let go of your need to be right (and the need to make them wrong!)  Finally, take a moment to reassure your partner how much you love and care for them. This helps to take some of the edge off any tension and ensure you both feel safe to be vulnerable - knowing your relationship is solid.  2. Speak about your facts.  Resist the temptation to project your thoughts and feelings onto your partner. Instead, talk about what’s true for you. Be careful of making generalizations too. For example, you could say.  “When you look at your phone while I’m speaking to you it makes me feel that I’m not important to you.”  Instead of… “You never listen to me.” or “You never show that you care about me.”  When you discuss specifics, it’s easier to find a solution. When you discuss generalisations, you end up trying to prove to each other why you are right or wrong, which doesn’t help you come to a place of closure and next steps.  3. Listen to understand - not to talk.  When we listen to talk, we’re simply looking for the openings when we can have our say. In turn, we don’t really hear (and therefore understand) how our partner thinks and feels.  Instead of silently prepping your reply while your partner is speaking, be curious about what’s happening for them. Take a genuine interest in understanding their perspective and be empathetic too.  For example: You can reflect what you heard to check your understanding. This also demonstrates to the other person that you care about their perspective. Ask clarifying questions to understand their point of view better. For example, “I’d love to know more about that.” or “How did that make you feel?”  In addition, try not to take their comments personally (even though this is hard).  Remember, we all have a different perspective. The more you can see the world through your partner’s eyes, the more you’ll be able to navigate conflict and create next-level closeness. You may even cultivate new ways of seeing the world as a result. Bonus!  4. Take a break. We can say things that we don’t mean in the heat of the moment - and later regret them.  To avoid this, maintain your self-awareness during the conversation. In turn, you’re more likely to notice when you’re feeling activated or getting aggravated.  Sometimes we need to step away from the heat of the conversation and give ourselves space to pause and take a breather.  When emotions are high, it can be tricky to think straight. In a stressful situation, our ability to be logical diminishes. In turn, we risk responding from an emotional place rather than a grounded place. Emotional outbursts can make you feel better in the moment, but they also create more to clean up later.  If you can give yourself the space to collect your thoughts and come back to a place of feeling in control of your emotions, you’ll find it easier to navigate the difficulties.  If you need to take a break, tell your partner what you need. Step away with love - telling them that you’ll be back once you’ve collected yourself.  This powerful technique can make a world of difference to your communication and, therefore, the outcome you create.  5. Come up with a solution.  Finally, commit to working together to leave the conversation with a solution and a plan for how you’ll go forward.  Don’t leave the conversation open-ended (unless you agree to pick it back up another time).  In closing, it can be tempting to avoid having tough conversations! However, ignoring a challenge only buries it - it doesn’t go away, which means the issue will show itself another time.  Make it a relationship belief that it’s always better to talk - even if it feels difficult.  Remember, the more you sharpen your ability to have difficult conversations, the better skilled you’ll become as a couple at navigating them.  You might be surprised where that will take you. 

If you want to create a deeply connected, long-lasting partnership, this advice can feel counter-intuitive. How can putting yourself first be the key to a thriving relationship?  Here’s the thing... We’ve been conditioned to believe that putting ourselves first is ‘selfish’. As a result, it’s not uncommon for people to have a tendency to put others’ needs ahead of their own. We’ve been told that this behavior makes us kind, loving, and giving.  However, giving is just one side of the coin. If we give to the point of not allowing ourselves to receive the things we care about, we can become resentful, bitter, and even unhappy - none of which leads to a thriving relationship.  Turns out that putting your needs first is crucial for having balance in your life and in your relationships. If you don’t, you’ll run into burnout at work, home, and in general - because you’re filling from an empty cup. Prioritizing your needs doesn’t mean you’re in total disregard for others’ feelings and needs! It means you’re putting your oxygen mask on first— so you are better equipped to help others. But how do you do this in practice?  This article contains five proven strategies you can try today...  1. Cultivate self-awareness. Self-awareness is the first step. Being aware of your needs is crucial. Knowing your needs allows you to operate at your highest potential. Allowing you to live a happier, more fulfilled life.  Once you’ve clearly established your needs you can begin to set boundaries and balance your life accordingly. Consistently denying your own needs or putting them last is self-betrayal. When you betray yourself you end up unhappy. And often wondering why. This concept might seem foreign to you. Many people glorify self-sacrifice. But the truth is, you cannot give your greatest without putting yourself first. Need help discovering what matters most to you? Check out the Self-Discovery Deck. It includes 50 thought-provoking questions that guide you to be more self-aware, explore who you are, and what you want in life. 2. Make your needs a priority to prevent resentment. When your needs are consistently last on the list, resentment builds. If you’re continually putting your partner’s needs before your own, you begin to resent your partner. You start to see your partner as a source of stress. You begin to see them as the reason your needs are coming in second. The tricky thing is, your partner might not be aware this is happening. Or, your partner might be doing it unintentionally. Essentially you start to resent them for something you are responsible for. Which is your own needs. It’s important for both of you to be doing regular self-evaluations. Notice what’s getting the most time and attention in your life. Set the precedent from the start regarding your needs. Doing this helps avoid slipping into that space of resentment. Once you start to see your partner as a source of this feeling, it can be difficult to navigate out of this space. The Relationships Journals contain plenty of practice designed to spark the insight and conversations that ensure your relationship thrives. Discover more here.  3. Prioritize self-care. Fill your own cup. When you give too much of yourself, you start to feel depleted. Self-care is crucial for everyone. If you haven’t fulfilled your own needs, it makes it that much harder to fulfill the needs of someone else. There is nothing left to give. Self-care doesn’t have to be luxurious (but can be if you’d like). There are so many ways to schedule self-care into your daily schedule.  Trust us when we say don’t skip it. You can schedule 30 minutes of alone time right when you wake up or start implementing healthy sleep habits. Write it down and don’t allow yourself to skip it. Build upon the habit and it will get easier. Spending quality time on self-care isn’t something you only do occasionally. It’s critical for your well-being. It is essential for being your best self. When your own cup is full you give from your overflow. Trying to do otherwise leads you to feel depleted, resentful, or unmotivated— and this can have a detrimental impact on the quality of your relationships. 4. Give 100% Relationships thrive when both parties are giving 100%. Sometimes when life’s hardships come down on us, one partner might need to step in and give more. Generally speaking, when both parties are all in at 100—you experience the most out of your partnership. When you have filled your own cup to 100%—you are able to give. You can fill from your overflow and not deplete yourself. This ‘selfishness’ allows you to be a better partner. You simply cannot give what you don’t have. Both parties need to be consistently filling their own cups. And yes, it does require some work.  It’s not 50/50. A loving partnership that lasts requires both people at 100. 5. Cut the risk of codependency. Codependency is a space you fall into when you don’t put yourself first. Co-dependency can be relying on your partner for your entire source of happiness. Or where you derive your sole purpose from your connection together.  Codependency wears a lot of hats. It can look like the need to do everything together. Or determining your entire mood for the day based on your partner’s mood. Emotions will waver from one minute to the next. We’re responsible for regulating our own feelings, but taking on our partner’s is a form of co-dependency. This can make it hard for you to regulate your own emotions while you are taking on someone else’s Codependency can also be considered a one-sided relationship. One partner may give more of themselves or take on a certain role. This role can resemble a care-taker like a nurse or a parent. This partner believes their value is found in fulfilling this role. The co-dependant may become resentful when they feel their efforts are not matched. Co-dependents often fall upset when the other person fails to reciprocate their same level of effort. Even if their partner didn’t ask them to take on the extra work. They also can become addicted to being in a relationship— and will stop at nothing in order to stay in one. Falling into the role of a co-dependant has many unfavorable results. The person who betrays themselves for the needs of their partner will never feel fulfilled. The best way to avoid becoming codependent is to have a strong sense of self. Practicing putting yourself first gets easier over time. It is the best way to avoid slipping into a co-dependent state. Have your own sets of activities, desires, and a sense of who you are outside your partner. This cultivates a healthy sense of self. Being able to come to the table of life fully and authentically. You owe it to yourself to have moments of total separateness from your partner. This way your relationship is not your only source of happiness. Yet in turn, this makes your relationship even stronger. Putting yourself first enhances your relationship. Putting yourself first isn’t selfish. It enables you to be a better partner. Filling your cup should be a priority in your life regardless of your relationship status. But when you are completely filled from within, you have the capacity to give to your partner. Operating at full capacity will make it easier to provide your partner with the best version of you. And when you are both showing up as your best self— you have better relationships.     Relationship Journals - For relationships that work If you want to invest in the kind of relationship ‘work’ that deepens your connection and inspires partnership, the Relationship Journals are for you. This 13-week, guided journey is designed to be taken with your partner. Each week is themed. Self-discovery activities open up conversations that lead to a deeper sense of appreciation, understanding, and ultimately love.  In a busy, hyper-distracted world, it’s easy to get caught in the superficial and surface-level.  The relationship Journals help you cultivate a level of depth, understanding, and togetherness that can help you co-create the relationship you always wanted.  Start your journey today when you buy your two-pack of journals here. 

Did you know that questions help level up your life? How, you ask? Read on!

When was the last time you intentionally showed your partner how much you appreciate them?  It’s not a trick question!  But the reality is we can take our partner for granted - and it’s not your fault. Life does get busy and chaotic. When you have a million and one things to take care of, you can become so tunnel-visioned you forget to appreciate what’s right in front of your eyes! But showing your partner appreciation is vital to any relationship. And you don’t need an anniversary or specific dates on the calendar to do it. There are ways to show appreciation for your partner every day.  Keep reading to discover ten ideas now…  1. Notice the little things A deep human need is to be seen and heard for who we really are. There’s something about being fully seen that makes you feel fully loved.  You can give this gift to your partner by noticing the little things.  For example, make a mental note of the things that interest your partner. Make it a habit to notice the little things they bring up casually. It could be a side comment about their favorite flower— or a favorite artist they’ve mentioned a few times. Keeping these in mind seems insignificant in the big scheme of things, but your partner will love that you noticed and remembered.  2. Talk in your partner’s love language Knowing your partner is one thing, but knowing how to love them is even more critical. According to Dr Gary Chapman, the five love languages are: 1. Words of affirmation 2. Gifts 3. Quality time 4. Acts of service 5. Physical touch When you know which language or language(s) your partner prefers— you can love your partner in the way that they can receive it.  Say your partner’s first language is physical touch. You can demonstrate your love by hugging them when they come home, holding their hand when you’re on a walk, or snuggling together on the sofa while watching Netflix.  Maybe your partner prefers words of affirmation. If so, write love letters, send text messages, or leave handwritten notes. Use words to tell them how much you appreciate them. If your preferred love languages are different from your partner’s— that’s okay too! Expand your ideas. Think of ways outside the box to show your appreciation now that you have this knowledge. 3. Give them your full attention Giving someone your undivided attention is a potent way to show your appreciation. When you put down the distractions and commit to uninterrupted time with someone, you open the door for more meaningful connections. When was the last time your partner received your full attention?  Unfortunately, our modern lives don’t always set us up for this. There are countless ways we get distracted. It's harder than ever to devote your attention to one thing. For example, there’s always a device nearby or other people who need us. Maybe you have children and your time together is limited. Perhaps your schedules are difficult to align. Set an intention to schedule quality, uninterrupted, quiet time together. When you show your partner “there’s nothing more important than you at this moment”, your love can grow.  4. Remember important dates When you remember important dates, you signal to your partner that these things are important to you too. What’s more, these milestones are great opportunities to celebrate your life together.  For example, mark your first date or first kiss as well as your anniversaries and birthdays.  You don’t need to call in all the party tricks (but you can if you want!). Even sending a text while your partner is in the middle of work is a meaningful gesture. Something like “Today is the day we met. I am so thankful you are in my life” can mean so much. 5. Compliment them in private & public Who doesn’t love to receive compliments? Feeling seen for who you are and what you’ve done feels great - and this is a feeling you can give to your partner over and over.  For example, if your partner got a big promotion at work, tell them they’re a badass. If they’re the absolute best at folding shirts? Let them know! Are they rocking those jeans better than anyone else possibly could? Tell them. And don’t reserve your compliments for private moments alone. When you can praise your partner in public, you tell other people that you’re proud of who you’re with. There’s no need to make a big flashy announcement. You could tell friends at dinner how much you appreciate the way your partner supports you - or tell your kids how much you appreciate their mom/dad.   When you celebrate your partner out loud, they’ll feel seen, loved, appreciated, and proud. We promise you'll get plenty of smiles out of this one. 6. Get creative with your gratitude There are so many ways to express gratitude from sneaking little notes in their work bag to picking up flowers on your way home. Random acts of gratitude let your partner know you were thinking of them throughout your day. You don’t have to wait until there’s a disagreement to show gratitude, either. It’s important to do it frequently. And remember those little things about your partner we told you to remember? You can now use that knowledge to get creative with gratitude. Whether it be little gifts— or surprising them with concert tickets, showing gratitude goes a long way. 7. Acknowledge the things you’d usually take for granted Maybe your partner’s ‘job’ is to take out the bin, pick up the groceries, or make the kids’ lunches. Sharing in chores to make the home run smoothly makes everybody’s life easier. Better still, when everyone takes on their fair share of tasks, it frees up more quality time to spend together.  But when ‘work’ is taken for granted, we run into the realm of expectations - and that doesn’t feel so good.  You don’t have to be gushing with your appreciation for the everyday chores - after all, someone has to take care of these tasks! But thanking your partner for the things they do makes them feel seen instead of taken for granted.  Better still, if they know it’s a job you hate, they get to enjoy knowing they made you happy as well as checking something off the shared to-do list.  8. Support your partner’s passions and dreams Is there something your partner loves to do? Maybe they’re obsessed with football or skiing. Perhaps they love to trek into the mountains with buddies or invest in groups and programs to develop themselves.  Maybe they have big plans for travelling the world or dreams of living by the sea.  While it’s fun to have things in common, you don’t need to do everything together. It’s OK to have interests that mean you spend time apart. Your ‘things’ can strengthen your relationship - because you have more experiences to talk about when you are together.  Allowing space for your partner’s passions can bring you closer together.  After all, why should you give up part of who you are to be with someone you love?  9. Make your partner feel important There’s something magical about the beginning of a relationship. You only have time for each other - nothing else in the world feels anywhere near as important as your new love.  They’re the only thing you think about and the only person you want to spend time with!  Over time, you find a new rhythm - and other areas of your life grow in importance. This doesn’t mean you love your partner any less… chances are you love them even more, but they’re no longer your sole focus of attention. The good news is you can tap back into those early-stage vibes.  Taking a moment to make your partner feel like the most crucial thing in your life can add a beautiful spark into your relationship. Simply push everything else to one side and focus fully on them. It’s an act of appreciation that can deepen your love. 10. Make gratitude a habit  Life gets busy, meaning it’s easy to get distracted or overwhelmed to the point where you take your partner for granted.  One way to keep the gratitude alive in your relationship is to build a habit of appreciation.  This can be as simple as setting a reminder on your phone to send a message at lunchtime or making it a routine to share daily gratitudes over a coffee after work.  The Partner Appreciation Notes can help with this too. This 2-pack of pocket-sized notebooks contains space for 20 weeks of daily gratitude for your partner. Simply write down something you like about your partner to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. And with new prompts each week, you’ll never be at a loss of things to write about!  Best of all, after 20 weeks, you can gift your completed notebook to your partner. Imagine how they’ll feel when they get to read 20 weeks worth of love notes and appreciations about them :-)    When gratitude becomes a habit, it becomes a part of who you are. And because gratitude trains your brain to see the good in your partner, not only will your love for each other grow, but you’ll find yourself feeling more optimistic and positive about life in general.  What can you appreciate about your partner today?  From big gestures to small, acts of appreciation are a powerful way to demonstrate and prove your love for your partner.  When we feel appreciated, we’re more likely to do the relationship work. When we feel valued, our love grows deeper, and our connection grows stronger. When we express our appreciation, our love speaks louder, and everything feels brighter as a result.   Show your partner how much you appreciate them today and every day. It’s a simple, yet powerful pathway to a better relationship.

How do you create a relationship that can last a lifetime? How can you ensure you stay on the same page and continue growing together, while maintaining space for your own desires and dreams?  We’ve all been inspired by those power couples who seem to have it all together and appear to be more deeply in love than ever before! But there’s a lot of ‘work’ that goes on behind the inspiring “goal” photos. There are conversations, compromising, and celebrating differences. There’s evaluating, setting, and adjusting mutual goals. The truth is thriving relationships don't happen by chance. Instead, they're the result of a conscious desire to deepen conversation, connection, and intimacy continually. Relationships take personal effort and joint work to create something beautiful. And one of the most potent ways you can create this experience for yourself is through deliberate discussion and execution of your relationship goals. Here’s how... 1. Communication is the first step. It’s vital to discuss your goals with your partner. It’s easy to assume you’re on the same page - you’re partners after all! However, you also have your own life to lead. As such, what was once important to you [or your partner] may have changed over time.  Dr. Gottman of the Gottman Institute researches the importance of shared meaning. He found that couples who create a sense of shared meaning experience higher levels of connectedness. Having a shared sense of what's important encourages emotional intimacy. [Create deeper levels of connection and communication with the Intimacy Deck.] When discussing your relationship goals, try discussing your dreams and desires in the following categories:  • Health• Finances• Work / career• Relationships• Personal growth• Mindfulness   ...and anything else you choose to focus on! Try writing down your individual goals for each of these categories and then compare notes with your partner to see where you both align. You might be surprised. You might have to compromise. But we cannot emphasize how paramount it is to have these discussions. 2. Dive into the nitty-gritty details. It pays to discuss your goals periodically. This ensures there are no hidden expectations that get swept under the rug for months— or even years. Evaluating your “us” goals can help you navigate how you’d like to move forward. This way, everything is on the table. It’s also crucial to ask timeline questions like “What would you like our relationship to look like in six months? A year? 10 years?” Discussing future goals leaves no room for any unsaid expectations. When expectations come out of nowhere, it can cause your partner to feel caught off guard. They may not know how to help, or why this is suddenly important to you. Or why didn’t you bring up these thoughts earlier?  You might run into an uncomfortable "are we even on the same page" conversation. Not an ideal situation... And nobody wants that. If your goals and values don’t align, it can cause tension and confusion. This tension can cause unnecessary stress, and discussing your desires is a crucial conversation to have with your partner. 3. Set realistic goals and expectations. It’s important to set reasonable goals that make you both excited and invested in your future. This can look like a 10-year plan to own a getaway cabin in the woods (dreams). Or you’re recreating your first date at the same restaurant every year (ritual). There are even couples who start full-blown foundations together (now that’s goals!) Even if your goals aren't on a grand scale yet, you can still create a shared vision! You can start with smaller goals each year and then build up to long-term goals; this will make a big impact on your relationship. It's all about what matters to you personally, together and the life you're hoping to cultivate. Goals that help you grow and all the memories you'll create together. Make the process yours. You will be able to look back and say “look at what we created together”. 4. Don’t put it off! Fantasizing is exciting, but deliberate scheduling and planning are vital in goal-setting as a couple. We know talking big picture stuff can seem overwhelming. But take a deep breath. Break it down into manageable steps. To some people setting goals is a fun thing to do. For others, thinking into the future (especially far into the future) can seem daunting. But there’s an approach that works for every couple. We're going to give you some goals that can go into the calendar right now! Start with something small you can put into place as soon as this week. For example:  • Fancy Dessert and Movie-at-Home Night every Wednesday. • Screen-free time together on Sunday • Play the Date Deck Game or chat through some prompts from the Intimacy Deck.  And just like that- you have scheduled intentional time together. One goal down! It's easy to let your personal goals in life like your career goals get in the way. But including your partner in those goals and creating milestones together is a key component of a successful relationship. You can research all the relationship goal lists the internet has to offer. But aim to curate your goals together with only minimal outside influence. What do you want as a couple?  After you make small exciting goals moving onto the bigger goals might feel easier. The goals that require more steps and planning will feel more attainable after reaching many small goals together. You may have a vision that combines multiple goals into one big goal. For example, renovating a fixer-upper for example. Rehabbing a home requires you to align on many big and small goals. The location, size, finances, style, and personal involvement with repairs to name a few. These big-scale projects can take years of planning and executing to complete. And it's extremely important to be on the same page every step of the way. Open communication is key. Some goals may shift and evolve. But that’s part of the fun of doing it together. It’s like an on-going collaboration with someone you care deeply for. And that’s relationship goals! 5. Enjoy the journey and the destination When you are working towards your goals together, there is twice the power and energy going into them. Twice the power of doing it alone. Not only does this create shared meaning between you and your partner- you can also move toward your desires faster. It’s a win-win. You are both taking steps toward mutual dreams. You are both bringing deliberate, trackable meaning into your relationship. You are creating memories for your future selves to look back on. And perhaps, co-creating your legacies. Have you discussed your relationship goals with your partner? It’s not too late. Start small. Break it down into manageable steps. And most importantly, have fun doing it together! Sources: https://www.gottman.com/blog/enriching-marriage-creating-shared-meaning/ https://www.gottman.com/blog/shared-meaning-is-key-to-a-successful-relationship/

Relationships are a great way to build trust and intimacy with someone else. But have you ever thought about how relationships help you evolve into your best self?  Did you know that relationships are one of the most powerful containers you can use to enhance your self-awareness. Relationships really are your greatest teacher. Even if you’re already someone with a high level of self-awareness, you can still learn a lot about yourself by the way you relate to the person you’re closest to.  Relationships offer a unique opportunity for unconscious behaviors to come to the forefront. They allow you to see yourself in new ways creating aha moments of self-discovery that lead to new realizations. In turn, you can access new insights and ideas that inspire your best self to thrive.  Keep reading to discover five powerful ways that your relationship will help you become your best self.  1. Relationships serve as a mirror. Experiencing  yourself through the eyes of someone else illuminates your strengths and also highlights opportunities for change.  What we admire or dislike in others is often what we admire or dislike about ourselves. Everything we see in the outside world is being reflected back like a mirror. This enables us to do some intense detective work on our own character. In turn, we get to dig deeper to unveil the unseen ways we are thinking or acting. The self-discovery that comes from mirroring can be one of the more challenging parts of a being with someone. It’s not easy to acknowledge how your partner is reflecting back a quality you want to transform. But face this realization with radical honesty, and you unlock the opportunity to truly grow as a person.  It can feel uncomfortable at first. But the results are worth it. This mirror effect offers a level of self-reflection that isn’t available when you are on your own. It allows you to grow in ways that only relationships can offer.  2. Relationships highlight your unconscious ‘bad’ habits It’s natural to fall into habitual patterns. Being in a relationship requires sharing your time, space, and human-ness with another person. Running on auto-pilot is easier. It takes less energy. Relationships make us aware of the things about ourselves that we don't consciously notice.  With someone else around to witness your habits and default behaviors, you may begin to see opportunities for improvement!   Maybe you have a habit of leaving your dirty water glasses all over the place. Or only answering one question in a text message when there were two. You might be someone that tends to leave important details out of group plans.   It may sting for someone else to be so aware of the way you operate - especially when they draw your attention to them, but this also opens up an opportunity for dialogue and offers a level of self-awareness you didn’t have before.  3. Relationships illuminate your reactions A lot of our behaviors are unconscious reactions to external triggers. Have you noticed how you can respond without thinking - especially when confronted with an uncomfortable or stressful situation? In a new relationship, your partner will get to experience  your reactions - giving you the chance to see how you react through their fresh eyes. For example, how do you respond when you’re meeting new people, finding your feet in new situations, combining schedules, and making changes to your daily routine?  Changes often cause reactions, and reactions may cause triggers. Your reactions reveal what’s really going on inside your psyche.  Through your partner’s feedback and observations, you get to decide whether you like the way you show up - or whether there’s a ‘best self’ version to be discovered and embodied.  Thanks to your relationship, you get to work on transforming your default reactions which is another valuable tool for self-growth. 4. Relationships encourage you to be better Chances are your partner may have habits or behaviors that you want to adopt. This doesn’t mean you have to be at the gym together for two hours each day! It can be as simple as your partner's positive outlook on life motivating you to see things in a different light. The proof is in the pudding. If the person you are closest to displays habits you want to embrace— it will be easier for you to change because you’ll have a role model to follow.  When you put your best foot forward for yourself each day the people around you are motivated to do the same. 5. Relationships make you feel appreciated Your relationship is also an opportunity to see and own the things that others love and appreciate about you.  For example, maybe you didn’t know your smile lights up a room. Or perhaps your partner appreciates how thoughtful you are. Nothing is better than feeling appreciated for the small things you weren’t even aware of. This will lead you down the avenue toward a deeper love for yourself. The more positive reinforcement you receive from your partner about what makes you special— the more likely you are to embrace these parts of yourself, too. Feeling appreciated motivates us. And when you feel appreciated you are more willing to go the extra mile for yourself and in your relationship.  Better self-realizations render better relationships Life often gives us relationships that serve as mirrors for our ultimate growth. Begin to recognize the mirror effect and you’ll have a better view of where you could work on yourself to step into your best self.  If you choose, your relationship provides an opportunity to be a witness to your behaviors, reactions, and triggers - empowering you to take control of the things that were once unnoticed. When your partner is there to do the same, you both get to experience growth. And the best part is— you can do it all together.