The Cost of Skipping Levels
Four days trapped inside. Austin's ice storm shut down the whole city, leaving us with a 5-month-old, a toddler, and a rapidly shrinking supply of activities to keep Quinn entertained.
Yesterday, she dumped out her 48-piece Peppa Pig puzzle.
I watched her try to jam a corner piece into the center. It obviously didn't fit. She tried harder. Still didn't fit. Then she got frustrated and tried to force it.
It's funny when you think your kid is smart (which she is), but then you watch her try to make a corner piece work in the middle and you're like, "Oh. We're still learning spatial reasoning".
I could've walked over and fixed it for her in 2 seconds. I can see exactly where every piece goes. But if I do it for her, she doesn't learn. She doesn't develop the persistence to try different orientations. She doesn't build the skills that come from figuring it out herself.
So I sat there, biting my tongue, watching her struggle with something I could solve instantly.
Because the struggle is the point.
Don't Skip Levels
You can inherit things. You can shortcut your way to the outcome. But if you don't have the skills that got you there, you'll lose it. And you won't know how to build it back.
It's like a video game where someone else completes all the levels for you. Sure, your character is at level 10 now. But you still play like level 1. The first real challenge? You lose immediately.
This is why lottery winners go broke. Research consistently shows that 70% of lottery winners end up broke within 3-7 years. Not because they're unlucky. Because they got the outcome without building the skills.
When you build wealth slowly, you learn how to manage money, set boundaries, and handle the identity shift. Lottery winners skip all that. They have the money on Tuesday, and by Wednesday they're fielding calls from every relative and "investment opportunity" within 50 miles. They have the outcome but none of the skills to hold onto it.
So they lose it. Predictably.
Psychologists call this desirable difficulties. The idea that introducing challenges during learning leads to better long-term retention and skill development. Robert Bjork, a UCLA cognitive psychologist, found that when things are too easy, your brain doesn't bother building strong neural pathways. It's like lifting a 2-pound weight. You completed the rep, but you didn't build any muscle.
The struggle is where growth happens, both in the gym — and in life.
(btw I put that em dash there, I hate that ai has taken them away from me…)
This is why Vygotsky's Zone of Proximal Development matters. It's the sweet spot between "too easy" and "impossible." That zone where you're stretched, but not broken, is where all learning happens.
That's what I was thinking looking at Quinn trying to do the puzzle. If I do the puzzle for her, she stays in the "too easy" zone. She never enters the growth zone. She never builds the skills.
The problems you face are training you.
When I look back at the biggest problems I've faced in business, I can see now they were training me for something I'd need later. I just couldn't see it at the time.
The struggle builds the skills. That's why you can't skip ahead.
Become the Person First
Most people focus on the outcome: "I want to find a partner" or "I want to make $100K" or "I want to launch a business."
They skip the identity question: who do I need to become to naturally achieve that?
If you want a partner who's emotionally mature, financially stable, and growth-oriented, the first question isn't "Where do I meet them?" It's "Am I emotionally mature, financially stable, and growth-oriented?"
Because if you meet that person before you've become that person, it won't work. You're at level 1 trying to play at level 10. And when it inevitably falls apart, you'll blame them instead of recognizing you weren't ready.
You can't skip the levels. You have to build the skills.
Ask yourself: What level am I trying to skip right now?
Are you looking for the shortcut? The hack? The way to get the outcome without the struggle?
And then ask: What skill do I actually need to build?
Write it down. Not "get healthier." Something specific: "Learn to cook three meals I actually enjoy" or "Build the habit of saying no without guilt."
The Self Journal has a section for "Lessons Learned" at the end of each week. Use it. Write down what the struggle is teaching you.
If you're overwhelmed: Just write down the skill you're avoiding. That's it.
Don't plan how you'll build it or commit to anything. Sometimes naming what you're actually resisting is enough to shift something.
Because if you're only focused on completing the puzzle, you'll miss the whole point.
What skill is the struggle you're in right now actually building? What will future-you be able to handle easily because present-you didn't skip this level?
📚 Reading Corner
"The Obstacle Is the Way" by Ryan Holiday. An instant classic on how the thing blocking your path is actually building the skills you need to move forward.
💡Pro Tip: The "Skills I'm Building" Note
Create a note in your phone called "Skills I'm Building." When you're struggling with something, write one line:
"Learning to [skill] through [current struggle]."
Example: "Learning to set boundaries through saying no to this project."
When you face something similar six months later, you'll see: Oh. I've been training for this.
5 years ago I was going through a business partner divorce. It was incredibly stressful. On the nights I couldn't sleep, I would write in a Google Doc of everything happening. The mistakes, bad decisions and hard conversations that had led me to this moment and what skills I’d need to get through it. (I didn’t know what that was at the time).
When the dust settled, I turned it into an article that's been read by hundreds of thousands of people. That's what happens when you pay attention to what the levels are teaching you.
