Start With What You Don't Want
I'm writing this at 11pm from Donegal, Ireland. We're heading back to Austin tomorrow.
The past two weeks have been wild. International travel with a 3.5-year-old and a 4-month-old. An Airbnb with mold. A rental car that left us stranded overnight. My dad's 70th birthday. Seeing every family member who wants to meet the baby. It's been wonderful. But also absolutely insane.
I'm an optimizer. A workaholic when I'm home in Austin. But I've actually been present since we got here. Not working. Just here. And for me after the last few months, that's been the most important thing.
Here's what I want you to know: that's okay. I created the Self Journal so people wouldn't have to wait until January 1st to make a change. But I think that message sometimes gets flipped. Like if you don't have everything figured out by January 1st, you've already failed. You haven't.
So if you're reading this and feeling behind on your reflection, your planning, your "new year, new me" setup — same. This is literally my thing, and I'm not ready either.
But I have noticed one thing during this whirlwind: I'm getting clearer on what I don't want. And that's actually where it starts.
Wanting vs. Not Wanting
Here's what I've noticed: it's easier to know what you don't want than what you do want.
Some examples:
- I don't want to keep thinking "I should catch up with them" and never actually making the plan.
- I don't want to be working constantly but have no idea what I'm working toward.
- I don't want to be in the room with my kids but on my phone.
- I don't want another year that flies by without feeling like I lived it.
The "don't wants" will come to you fast. But they're not a plan. They're just data.
The real work is flipping them. What do I want instead?
- I want to be the person who texts "let's get dinner" and actually follows through.
- I want work that feels like it's going somewhere, not just staying busy.
- I want to be present — actually present — with the people I love (try Helm).
- I want to look back at this year and remember it.
That's what New Year's reflection is actually for. Not making a list of resolutions. Not overhauling your entire life. Just getting clear on the flip: from what you're tired of to what you're building toward.
The Flip
Take one thing you know you don't want in this year. Write it down.
Now flip it. What's the opposite? What would you want instead?
That's not your goal yet. That's just the seed. But you can't plant something if you don't know what it is.
📆 Year Audit
Only 1 shared resource for today: Year Audit
A simple tool I built this time last year when I was learning to code. Guided prompts, everything stays in your browser, no account needed. If you want help with the reflection piece, start here.
