How ADHD Affects Relationships (And What You Can Do)

Here’s something they don’t tell you when you get diagnosed with ADHD as an adult: it doesn’t just affect your to-do lists and project deadlines—it transforms every relationship in your life.

Think about it: we spend years mastering algebra and memorizing history dates, but no one teaches us how to navigate relationships. If you’re like me, growing up in a household where healthy relationship models were scarce, you're basically learning to fly the plane while it's already in the air.

And with ADHD? It's like flying that plane through a storm.

When I first started BestSelf, I was laser-focused on productivity tools. Getting things done, staying organized, managing time better. But everything changed in 2017 when my own marriage ended in divorce. That's when I discovered a statistic that hit way too close to home:

According to a study published in the Journal of Attention Disorders, adults with ADHD have a significantly higher rate of divorce compared to those without ADHD.

That experience taught me something profound: you can have the perfect productivity system, crush all your goals, and build a successful business, but if your relationships crumble, everything else falls apart too. Your career success means little when your personal life is in pieces.

I realized that while I'd spent years developing myself and my business, I hadn't given nearly as much attention to building systems for relationships.

Building Better Relationships Through Systems

This wasn’t just about marriage—it was about all relationships. Whether with partners, family, or friends, relationships need just as much intentional design as our productivity systems. Maybe even more. And unlike math or science, there's no standardized curriculum for this stuff.

We’re all out here trying to figure it out through trial and error—some of us with the added challenge of ADHD making every lesson a bit harder to learn.

The truth is, whether you have ADHD or not, relationships thrive on intentional design—just like any other important area of your life. Here are three game-changing principles I’ve learned:

Design Your Connection System

If you’re ready to strengthen your relationships, I want to share a simple challenge to get started:

1. Choose Your Focus (5 mins)
Pick ONE relationship you want to strengthen—whether it’s with a partner, friend, family member, or colleague.

2. Design Your Touchpoint (5 mins)
Create ONE consistent connection point:

• ☕ A daily 10-minute check-in over coffee

• 🚶‍♂️A weekly walk-and-talk

• 🗣️ A monthly deep-dive conversation

• 📓Regular relationship journal sessions together

3. Set It Up (5 mins)
Put it in your calendar, set reminders, prepare any tools you need (like conversation starters or journal prompts), and share the plan with your person.

Let me know if you try it and how it worked for you!

Weekly Picks for Stronger Connections

Building stronger relationships doesn’t have to feel overwhelming. Sometimes, it’s as simple as picking up a good book or tuning into a podcast that shifts your perspective. Here are a couple of my favorite resources that have made a big difference in how I approach relationships:

📚 Reading Corner: "Eight Dates" by John & Julie Gottman
This book revolutionized how I think about relationship maintenance. It's not about fixing what's broken—it's about strengthening what works through intentional conversation and connection.

🎧 Listen: "The Art of Showing Up" Episode of Life Kit
A fascinating look at how small, consistent actions build stronger relationships than grand gestures.

My Final Reflection

Relationships are the foundation of our happiness and well-being, yet they often take a backseat in the hustle of daily life. Whether you have ADHD or not, being intentional about how you nurture these connections can make all the difference.

It doesn’t take grand gestures or complicated systems—just simple, consistent efforts to show up, communicate, and create meaningful moments. Remember, even the smallest changes can lead to profound improvements in your relationships.

Here’s to building stronger, more connected relationships, one intentional moment at a time.

With love,
Cathryn