The Powerful Question That Can Transform Your Confidence

Recently, after my daughter achieved something she’d worked hard for, I paused before offering praise. Instead, I asked her, "Are you proud of yourself?"

Her face lit up as she considered it, followed by a huge smile: "Yeah, I am!"

That moment was a poignant reminder. While we teach children the importance of internal validation, how often do we, as adults, automatically seek approval from external sources? (Guilty as charged!)

Why Self-Validation Matters More Than You Think

Your relationship with yourself is the bedrock upon which all other relationships are built. Research consistently shows the profound impact of self-compassion and internal validation:

• Stronger Relationships: Studies by Dr. Kristin Neff and researchers at Harvard’s Psychology Department indicate that individuals with high self-compassion build more authentic connections, partly because they are less prone to people-pleasing.
• Improved Decision-Making & Resilience: These individuals tend to make decisions 34% faster, recover from conflicts twice as quickly, and demonstrate greater resilience when facing setbacks.
• Higher Satisfaction: They also report experiencing 40% higher relationship satisfaction overall.

Clearly, cultivating internal validation isn't just abstract self-help; it's a fundamental practice that shapes your confidence, decisions, and connections.

Rewire Your Self-Trust (15 Minutes Total)

Strengthen your internal validation muscle with this three-part exercise:

1️⃣ Audit Your Validation (5 Minutes)

List 3 recent accomplishments (personal or professional).

• For each, honestly note:
  • Who was the first person you told?
  • Whose reaction or approval did you consciously or unconsciously wait for?
  • Did you pause to acknowledge your own pride before seeking external feedback?

2️⃣ Create Your Internal Checklist (5 mins):

• Shift from asking "What will they think?" to defining your own standards.
• Briefly jot down your personal benchmarks for:
  • Quality work (What does "good enough" or "excellent" mean to you?)
  • Relationship decisions (What aligns with your values?)

3️⃣ Practice Self-Validation Deliberately (5 mins):

• Choose one upcoming decision or action.
• Write down:
• What you believe is the right choice or step.
• Your reasons for believing it's right.
• Identify any external validation you feel tempted to seek.

The Science 

Regularly practicing internal validation, even for short periods, has been shown to significantly reduce decision-making anxiety and strengthen personal boundaries.

When you validate yourself, you break free from the cycle of relying on others’ approval. This not only boosts your confidence but also helps you show up more authentically in all your relationships.

📹 Watch: The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion

A crucial distinction: Self-esteem often relies on comparison and being "better than," while self-compassion offers a stable sense of worthiness, providing the safety needed to try, fail, learn, and grow. A valuable perspective shift.

Here’s to building unwavering self-trust, celebrating your internal wins, and fostering stronger connections—starting with the one you have with yourself.

You’ve got this 💪.

Cheers,
Cathryn