The Powerful Question That Can Transform Your Confidence

The other day, I had an eye-opening moment with my daughter. She had just achieved something she’d been working on for weeks, and naturally, I was ready to tell her, “I’m so proud of you.” But instead, I asked her something different: “Are you proud of yourself?”

Her face lit up. She thought about it for a moment, then smiled and said, “Yeah, I am!”

That simple moment stuck with me. It made me realize how often we look to others for validation instead of finding it within ourselves. I couldn’t help but think: when was the last time I asked myself that question? When was the last time I paused to feel proud of myself without waiting for someone else’s approval?

Why Self-Validation Matters

It turns out that how you treat yourself influences every other connection in your life. Studies by Dr. Kristin Neff and Harvard’s Psychology Department show that people who practice self-compassion and internal validation experience significant benefits:

🌱 They build more authentic relationships because they’re less likely to people-please.
🕒 They make decisions faster—34% faster, to be exact—and recover from conflicts twice as quickly.
💞 They report 40% higher satisfaction in their relationships.
💪 They’re more resilient, bouncing back from setbacks with greater ease.

When you trust yourself, you’re not just building confidence—you’re laying the groundwork for stronger, healthier connections with others. It’s not selfish to trust yourself; it’s essential.

When Was the Last Time You Celebrated Yourself?

Here’s a question to reflect on:

Maybe it was when you solved a tricky problem at work, hit a personal milestone, or stuck to a goal you set for yourself. Think about how you can recreate that feeling this week—not by waiting for others to notice, but by validating yourself.

A Simple 15-Minute Challenge to Rewire Self-Trust

Ready to start practicing self-validation? Here’s a quick exercise you can do to shift your mindset in just 15 minutes:

1️⃣ Audit Your Validation (5 Minutes)

Write down three recent accomplishments.
For each one, reflect:

Who did you tell first?
Whose reaction were you waiting for?
Did you pause to feel proud before sharing it with others?

2️⃣ Define Your Standards (5 Minutes)

Instead of asking yourself, “What will they think?” write down your own standards for:

What good work looks like to you.
What matters most in your relationships.
What success means to you personally.

3️⃣ Practice Self-Validation (5 Minutes)

Think about an upcoming decision you need to make. Write down:

What YOU believe is the right choice?
Why do YOU think it’s the right decision?
What external validation are you tempted to seek?
How will YOU honor your judgment instead?

This simple exercise helps you pause, reflect, and trust your instincts.

The Science Behind Self-Validation

Research shows that practicing internal validation for just two weeks can significantly reduce anxiety around decision-making. It also strengthens your ability to set and maintain healthy boundaries in your relationships.

When you validate yourself, you break free from the cycle of relying on others’ approval. This not only boosts your confidence but also helps you show up more authentically in all your relationships.

Tools to Help You Trust Yourself

If self-validation feels like a challenge, here are some tools and ideas that can help you get started:

Watch This: The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion
This short video explains the difference between seeking validation and cultivating self-compassion. It’s a great reminder that you don’t need to be “better than” others to feel good about yourself.
Try This: The 5-Minute Validation Journal
Every evening, write down one thing you’re proud of that nobody else noticed. It could be as small as sticking to your routine or finishing a task you’d been putting off. Over time, this habit helps you celebrate yourself without relying on external feedback.

Build Confidence, One Step at a Time

Learning to trust yourself isn’t about being perfect—it’s about showing up for yourself consistently. When you take time to celebrate your wins, trust your instincts, and set your own standards, you build a foundation of confidence that strengthens every relationship in your life.

So, the next time you accomplish something, pause and ask yourself: “Am I proud of me?” Let that be enough.

With love,
Cathryn