How to Stop Being a People Pleaser Without the Guilt
Two weeks ago, we talked about the power of self-trust and internal validation. But a question kept popping up:
"How do I keep trusting myself when other people push back against my boundaries?"
Honestly, I get it. Just yesterday, I almost said yes to something I really didn’t have time for. That little people-pleaser voice kicked in: "Just make it work. They’ll be disappointed if you say no." But then I stopped myself because I’ve learned the hard way—every time I put someone else’s comfort ahead of my own needs, I chip away at my own self-trust.
Here’s the thing: setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. Think about the oxygen mask rule on airplanes: you can’t help anyone else if you’re running on empty.
Your Boundary Blueprint: A 15-Minute Challenge
If saying "no" feels uncomfortable, don’t worry—you’re not alone. Here’s a simple three-step method on how to stop being a people pleaser without guilt.
1️⃣ Energy Audit (5 mins)
Look back at the past week and pick three situations that drained your energy. Ask yourself:
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Why did I say yes when I really wanted to say no?
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What would honoring myself have looked like instead?
2️⃣ Response Design (5 mins)
Having a few go-to phrases can make boundary-setting way easier. Try these:
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The Pause: “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.”
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The Redirect: “I can’t take that on, but here’s what I can do…”
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The Clear No: “Thanks for thinking of me, but I have to pass.”
3️⃣ Success Planning (5 mins)
Pick one boundary to strengthen this week. Then, ask yourself:
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What specific situation will I handle differently?
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Who can support me if I start feeling guilty?
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How will I celebrate standing up for myself?
🌟 Quick Win: Next time someone asks you for something, pause before answering. Try saying, “Let me think about that and get back to you.” This simple shift gives you space to check in with yourself first.
Weekly Picks: What I’m Loving This Week
📚 Reading Corner: Set Boundaries, Find Peace – Nedra Glover Tawwab
If you’ve ever felt guilty about saying no (hi, me too 🙋♀️), this book is a must-read. Tawwab breaks down boundaries in a way that actually makes sense—helping you see that setting limits isn’t about shutting people out, but about making space for healthier relationships. It completely shifted the way I think about my own boundaries.
🎧 Listen: "The Power of No" – Hidden Brain Podcast
I used to think saying no would make people mad at me, but this episode had me rethinking everything. It dives into why we struggle to say no, and how doing it the right way can actually make our relationships stronger. It’s a must-listen if setting boundaries makes you feel anxious.
Your Energy, Your Choice
People-pleasing might feel good in the moment, but in the long run, it drains your energy and makes you resentful. The goal isn’t to stop helping people—it’s to help in ways that feel good for you, too.
Setting boundaries doesn’t push people away—it strengthens the connections that matter. So start small, practice often, and watch how your relationships (and self-respect) improve.
With love,
Cathryn
