How to Stop People-Pleasing and Set Boundaries Without the Guilt 💝
Following up on our discussion about self-trust, many of you asked a crucial question: "How do I maintain self-trust when others push back against my boundaries?"
This resonates deeply. Even recently, I caught myself almost agreeing to another commitment despite feeling overwhelmed. The ingrained people-pleaser urged me to "just make it work." But overriding our own needs to appease others erodes self-trust.
The truth I've learned is that setting boundaries isn't selfish; it's essential self-preservation. It protects our energy and capacity to show up fully for what truly matters. Think of the airplane oxygen mask analogy: secure your own first before assisting others.
Your Boundary Blueprint: A 15-Minute Challenge
Design boundaries that honor both yourself and your relationships:
1️⃣ Energy Audit (5 mins)
- Identify your top 3 energy drains from the past week where you compromised your own needs.
- For each, reflect: What motivated the "yes" when you felt a "no"? What would honoring yourself have looked like in that situation?
2️⃣ Response Design (5 mins)
- The Pause: "Let me check my calendar/capacity and get back to you."
- The Redirect/Compromise: "I can't commit to that fully, but here’s what I can offer..."
- The Clear No: "Thank you for thinking of me, but I need to decline at this time."
3️⃣ Success Planning (5 mins)
- Choose ONE specific boundary you intend to strengthen this week.
- Visualize the situation. How will you handle it differently using your new awareness or response script?
- What support might you need (e.g., accountability partner, reminder)?
- How will you acknowledge and celebrate honoring your needs?
Implement the Pause
Next time someone asks you for something, pause before answering. Try saying, “Let me think about that and get back to you.” This simple shift gives you space to check in with yourself first.
📚 Reading Corner: Set Boundaries, Find Peace – Nedra Glover Tawwab
If you’ve ever felt guilty about saying no (hi, me too 🙋♀️), this book is a must-read. Tawwab breaks down boundaries in a way that actually makes sense—helping you see that setting limits isn’t about shutting people out, but about making space for healthier relationships. It completely shifted the way I think about my own boundaries.
🎧 Listen: "The Power of No" – Hidden Brain Podcast
I used to think saying no would make people mad at me, but this episode had me rethinking everything. It dives into why we struggle to say no, and how doing it the right way can actually make our relationships stronger. It’s a must-listen if setting boundaries makes you feel anxious.
🔍Explore: The Winning Wednesday Hub
Your central place for all past Winning Wednesday insights, tools, and strategies for growth.
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Here’s to building relationships founded on mutual respect – respect for others and respect for ourselves.
With love,
Cathryn
