Still cutting the ends off your ham?
Last week, I shared how I saved my dying friendships with recurring rituals. But here's the plot twist: What if some of our recurring commitments are actually killing us?
I recently learned that every January, Shopify (yes, the $65 billion company) does something that would terrify most corporations. They delete every recurring meeting from every employee's calendar.
Everything. Gone. Blank slate.
They've been doing this for years. Imagine: thousands of employees, complex projects, global teams... and they still hit delete on anything that repeats.
When I heard this, I immediately thought of a story that perfectly captures why this matters:
A man watches his wife cut the ends off a ham before cooking it. "Why do you do that?" he asks thinking the meat on the ends looked perfectly good to cook.
"Not sure, but my mom always did it," she says.
Curious, he asks his mother-in-law the same question. Her answer? "Because my mother did it."
Finally, they call grandma. "Why did you always cut the ends off the ham?"
"Because my oven was too small."
Two generations of perfectly good ham, wasted. All because no one asked why.
That's our entire lives. We're all cutting the ends off our proverbial ham all over the place. Doing things because our parents did them. Showing up to meetings because they're on the calendar. Following traditions we can't explain. Living patterns we never chose.
How many of your daily habits exist simply because "that's how it's always been done"?
After creating those friendship systems last week (thank you for all your messages about your new systems), I realized something uncomfortable. Yes, we need to be intentional about connections that matter. But we also need to be ruthless about commitments that don't.
I did my own audit and found:
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2 recurring meetings I don't need to be on (just freed up two hours of my life!)
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10 email subscriptions I feel guilty unsubscribing from
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A TV show that hasn't been good in 2+ seasons, yet I keep watching (not anymore!)
We're so busy maintaining our defaults, we have no energy left for what we actually choose.
And June? June is the perfect time for this. No "new year, new me" pressure. No resolution of guilt. Just the quiet power of deciding, mid-year, that you're done with what's not working.
Challenge: The Mid-Year Delete (15 minutes)
Channel your inner Shopify. Pick ONE area and wipe it clean:
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Calendar Purge: Open your calendar. Find one recurring commitment that makes your stomach sink. Cancel it. "This no longer serves me" is a complete sentence.
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Subscription Sweep: Unsubscribe from 10 things today. No guilt. If you haven't read it in a month, you won't miss it. (Obviously we don't count... right? 😜)
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The Gentle Release: That friendship that feels more like an obligation? The one where you always leave feeling depleted instead of energized? You don't need a dramatic conversation or official "breakup." Sometimes relationships naturally complete their cycle. If you've felt this way for months, you have permission to step back. Respond when you can, but stop overextending. Let the dynamic find its natural balance.
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The Closet Test: Greg McKeown from "Essentialism" suggests this brilliant filter: Look at each item and ask "If I didn't already own this, how much would I pay to buy it today?" If the answer is zero, it goes. Works for commitments too. Would you sign up for that committee again? That gym? That book club?
Remember:
Every "no" to what drains you is a "yes" to what fills you.
📚 Reading Corner
In "Essentialism," McKeown shares this truth bomb: "If you don't prioritize your life, someone else will." His research shows that successful people don't just do more things right—they do fewer things, better.
🔍 Cool Find
Arc Browser has become my ADHD lifesaver. It automatically archives yesterday's tabs every morning, forcing a fresh start. No more 73-tab shame spiral. Just today's intentions. It's like Shopify's policy for your internet chaos. (Free for Mac/PC)
Here's to deleting our way to a better life.
Cheers, Cathryn
P.S. What's your ham? Seriously, what thing do you keep doing just because you always have? Reply and tell me. I read every single email and your story might help another reader.
