When Your Passion Hijacks You
A friend called me last week. Smart guy, ADHD like me, stuck in career limbo.
I gave him the advice I always give: "Go where your energy is."
Then I hung up and realized: I've been following that advice so hard I forgot to look up. But here's the thing: I don't regret it.
The Hyperfocus Reality
I've been building something for months now, something around helping people become their best selves, build better habits, navigate technology better. And my brain has latched onto it like it's the only thing that exists.
Last Tuesday I looked up from my computer at 2 pm and realized I hadn't eaten lunch, I'd been holding my pee for an hour, and I had no idea where the morning went.
I wake up thinking about it. I go to sleep thinking about it. I'm literally solving problems in my head during family dinner.
My Life Is Binary Right Now
Here's the reality: Right now, my life is binary. I'm either working on this project or I'm chasing a toddler and dealing with a newborn. That's it.
No gym. No friends. No chill time. Not even proper sleep between the newborn, toddler regression, and late-night coding sessions.
Just those two things: working or parenting. Nothing else makes the cut.
And I'm okay with that for this season. Because I know this is my one thing right now.
Why ADHD Brains Get Hijacked
If you've ever read The One Thing (and if you haven't, it's worth it, more on that below), you know the premise: What's the ONE thing you can do such that by doing it, everything else becomes easier or unnecessary?
Great question for most people.
For ADHD brains? That question becomes all-consuming.
There's this framework in ADHD research called INCUP (coined by psychologist Dr. William Dodson). It explains what actually motivates ADHD brains:
- Interest - You genuinely care about it
- Novelty - It's new and keeps surprising you
- Challenge - Every problem is a puzzle to solve
- Urgency - There's always one more thing to fix
- Passion - It connects to something deeper
Unlike neurotypical brains that run on importance (I should do this), ADHD brains run on interest (I want to do this).
My project hits ALL FIVE. It's crack for ADHD brains.
- ✅ Interest - I actually care about this
- ✅ Novelty - Learning constantly
- ✅ Challenge - Every bug is a puzzle
- ✅ Urgency - Always one more thing to fix
- ✅ Passion - Helping people with something I struggle with
No wonder my brain won't let go.
When you find something that checks all the INCUP boxes? Everything else, even things that are actually important like the gym, friendships, regular meals, just disappears.
Because my brain doesn't run on importance. It runs on interest.
The Real Question
I'm not second-guessing whether this is the right thing. I know it is.
If I don't build this now, with this energy, with this momentum, I might never build it at all.
The question isn't whether this is worth it.
The question is: How do I give this my "one thing" energy without completely destroying everything else?
Intentional Imbalance vs. Chaos
Here's what I'm learning. There's a difference between:
- Choosing a season of imbalance (intentional)
- Being hijacked by hyperfocus (reactive). I told my friend to "go where your energy is." And I still believe that.
But maybe the fuller truth is: "Go where your energy is, and set a boundary around when you'll come back up for air."
Right now, my one thing gets most of my energy. That's intentional.
But I'm trying to ask: What's the minimum I need to maintain in other areas so that when this season ends, I haven't burned everything down?
The answer for me right now: When I'm with my family, I'm WITH my family.
That's the non-negotiable. Everything else can wait.
Name Your Season
Try this:
1. Is this actually your "one thing" season? Not what you should focus on. What you genuinely believe is worth going all-in on right now.
2. If yes, name it out loud: "This is my season of [building / learning / getting through]."
3. What's your non-negotiable minimum? What's the ONE thing you won't sacrifice even in hyperfocus mode?
4. Give yourself permission. You're allowed to have seasons of intentional imbalance.
5. Set a check-in date. When will you reassess? 3 months? 6 months? Write it down.
Make it easier: Just answer question 1. Sometimes naming what season you're in is enough to stop feeling guilty about everything else.
What's your one thing right now? And are you choosing this season intentionally, or is it choosing you?
📚 Book: The One Thing by Gary Keller & Jay Papasan: The book that gave me permission to focus this hard. The core question is powerful. Just know: if you have ADHD, when you find that one thing, your brain will latch on HARD. That's not a bug. That's the feature. Just set some guardrails.
🧠 Research: INCUP Framework: Want to understand what actually motivates ADHD brains? Look up Dr. William Dodson's work on interest-based nervous systems. Game-changer for understanding why some things are effortless and others feel impossible.
