Self-Care Isn't Selfish: Why Mothers Need Prime Time Too

I snapped at my daughter over spilled cereal again. It was 7:30 AM, and I already felt like a terrible parent.

If you're a parent, you know this feeling. Realizing you've become the stressed, impatient person you never wanted to be—and it's not even 8 AM.

For months, I couldn't figure out why mornings felt impossible. Everything took twice as long. My daughter resisted every step of our routine. I felt like I was chasing nonexistent time.

I finally realized I wasn't giving myself any runway.

Before becoming a parent, I used to ease into each day with intention. Now I jump straight from sleep into toddler chaos—tiny clothes, breakfast negotiations, and the endless search for matching shoes and missing water bottles. No wonder I felt behind from the moment I opened my eyes.

After yet another rushed morning, I sat down to figure out what was wrong. I journaled about the good days versus the bad days. A pattern emerged:

The smooth mornings were when I'd woken up early and had even just 20 minutes to myself to drink coffee (while it was hot), to think my own thoughts, and remember who I was before becoming a parent.

I decided to stop leaving those moments to chance.

I started waking up an hour earlier than everyone else in my house.

That one small change transformed not just my mornings, but my entire day. Here's why it matters for you too.

You Are the Center of Your Life Domains

Last week, we talked about how relationships need intentional care. But here's what I've learned: you can't pour from an empty cup.

Think of yourself as the center of a wheel with three spokes: you, relationships, and work. When the center is strong, everything else spins smoothly. When it's weak, the whole wheel wobbles.

As parents, we often make ourselves the "residual beneficiary" of our own lives. Everyone and everything else gets the best of us, while we get whatever scraps of time and energy remain.

But giving yourself that morning hour isn't selfish—it's smart parenting.

What My Power Hour Actually Looks Like

I'll be honest: I'm not doing yoga by candlelight or meditating on a mountaintop. My mornings are decidedly ordinary.

Most days, I make my coffee and journal for 10-15 minutes and think about the day ahead. Sometimes I read a few pages of a book before taking the dogs for a walk around the block.

The activity isn't what matters, it's the intentionality. It's claiming space for myself before the day claims me.

And the ripple effects? Incredible. I'm more patient with my daughter. I'm more present with my partner. I actually show up for myself as the person I want to be, not just someone reacting to everyone else's needs.

The Beautiful Ripple Effect

Here's something fascinating that happened: when I started showing up better, my toddler started showing up better too.

It's like she could sense my relaxed energy. Instead of fighting me every step of the way, she began working with me. Suddenly, we had time for things we never could do before, taking the dogs for a walk together, reading a book, or just sitting at the breakfast table without rushing.

Before, my frustration was feeding her frustration. I'd try to force our routine, she'd resist, everything would take twice as long, and the whole morning would spiral. Now our mornings actually include moments of fun and connection.

My rushed energy had been the problem all along.

Research Backs This Up

This isn't just my experience. In "The Anxious Generation," Jonathan Haidt points to research showing that children who consistently experience rushed, frantic interactions are significantly more likely to develop anxiety disorders as adults.

When we start our days already stressed and behind, we pass that energy to our kids. When we begin with intention and calm, they feel that too. I say this as someone who grew up with rushed and frantic mornings so this is me attempting to break the cycle.

For those of us with ADHD, this morning buffer is even more critical. Our executive function (our brain's ability to plan and organize) needs a warm-up period. Starting the day by immediately responding to others' needs is like opening 15 browser tabs before your computer has fully booted up - you'll get the spinning wheel of doom.

Your Power Hour Experiment

Try this for just one week. I promise it's easier than you think.

Step 1: Start Small (5 minutes) Don't aim for a dramatic early wake-up. Set your alarm just 20-30 minutes earlier than usual. The goal is progress, not perfection.

Step 2: Protect Your Time (5 minutes)

• Put your phone in another room or on airplane mode
• Prepare anything you need the night before (coffee setup, journal, book)
• Create a ritual that signals "this is my time"

Step 3: Be Realistic (5 minutes) Choose activities that actually restore you:

• Too little stimulation (silent meditation) might make you restless
• Too much stimulation (scrolling social media) will drain rather than fill you
• Find your sweet spot—maybe coffee and a book, gentle music and journaling, or simply sitting with your thoughts

Tomorrow morning, try the "Bookend Method":

• Start with 15 minutes for yourself (coffee, reading, whatever feels good)
• End your day with 10 minutes to release it (quick journal entry, gratitude practice, or simply sitting quietly)

These two boundaries create a container for your day.

📚 Reading Corner: The Anxious Generation" by Jonathan Haidt

If you're a parent wondering about the connection between rushed mornings and children's anxiety, this book offers eye-opening insights into how our pace affects our kids' emotional development.

⚒️ New Tool: Something I've Been Building 🤫

The problem of digital distraction and phone addiction has been on my mind for years, but becoming a parent made it hit me differently.

I've been working on something that addresses this exact challenge. A physical solution for creating intentional boundaries with technology. Something beautiful that doesn't add another notification to your life, but actually helps you reclaim your attention so you can focus on what matters.

We're about to do our first limited run. It's going to be a small, exclusive group who gets to experience this first iteration and help shape what comes next.

If you're tired of feeling pulled in every direction by your devices and want to be part of something that could change how you relate to technology, you can join the waitlist at focushelm.com. Sneak peek from one of the final iterations

Here’s a picture from my desk yesterday with the latest sample along with actual sketches and tweaks I'm making to the final version. I've designed and redesigned this from the bottom up to make it something unique yet useful.

Remember: You're not just doing this for yourself. You're modeling boundaries, self-care, and intentional living for your children. You're showing them that taking care of yourself isn't selfish, it's essential!

Here's to stealing back your mornings (and yourself),
Cathryn